Off Balance by Jay Hogan

Narrated by Gary Furlong

The first book in Jay Hogan’s Painted Bay trilogy, Off Balance is a beautifully written and deeply emotional story about two very different men helping each other to put their lives back together following tragedy and heartbreak. The story is infused with plenty of the author’s characteristic humour despite the sometimes heavy subject matter, the two leads are likeable, complex and superbly drawn, and the narration by Gary Furlong is excellent. If you’ve never listened to anything by this author before, this would be a great place to start, as this series contains some of her very best work so far.

When he was a kid, Judah Madden was too gay, too flamboyant and too unwilling to be anything other than who he was to ever fit into a small town like Painted Bay. A talented dancer, he got out as soon as he possibly could and now, almost ten years later, he’s a rising star in the ballet world, a principal dancer at the age of twenty-five. It’s the kind of success he’s always dreamed of, and it’s all he’s ever wanted. But his life takes a devastating turn when he has a dizzy spell in the middle of a performance, which causes him to fall and pass out – and is later diagnosed with Menière’s Disease, a chronic condition which affects the inner ear, causing (among other things) vertigo, tinnitus and potentially, hearing loss. It’s a condition for which there is no cure – and just like that, Judah’s career is over.

With his life in tatters, Judah has no alternative but to return to the small fishing village he used to call home to lick his wounds while he tries to work out what to do next. His employment prospects are severely limited thanks to his condition, but even if there were jobs around that he could do, the only thing he’s trained for and is any good at is ballet – which is no longer an option. When we rejoin Judah back home, he’s – very unenthusiastically – helping out with the family’s mussel farming business, going out on the boat with his brother Leroy (with whom his relationship is very strained); and when he’s not out on the water, hiding himself away from everyone and drowning his sorrows in self-pity and booze.

Fisheries officer Morgan Wipene came to Painted Bay five years earlier to get away from the well-meaning family whose suffocating concern for him after the sudden death of his wife was just… too much. Her loss hit him very hard, but now, he feels Sally’s absence as a kind of gentle comfort rather than the searing pain it was, and he’s ready to move on. He’s always known he’s bisexual, although he’s mostly dated women – so finding himself completely smitten with a beautiful, snappish and obviously wounded (younger) man who doesn’t appear to be coping at all well with whatever has brought him back to Painted Bay is the last thing he expected. But smitten he is – even though a relationship with a man like Judah, who has never been one to put down roots, has heartbreak written all over it.

The attraction that sparks between Judah and Morgan is intense from the start, and that initial pull only strengthens with each subsequent interaction. These two guys are hot for each other from the start, yes, but there’s a strong emotional connection developing there, too, so that what can start out seeming a bit insta-lust-y soon grows into something deeper and long-lasting. That’s definitely the case here; it doesn’t take long for Judah and Morgan to give in to the heat building between them, but with Judah’s future so uncertain, and a mutual understanding that whatever that future turns out to be, it’s likely not to be in Painted Bay, they agree to some casual fun, to make the most of whatever time they have. We all know how that’s going to end up, but the journey is an interesting and heartfelt one with both men having to do some real soul-searching as they work out what they really want and how – if – they can make that work.

Jay Hogan has a real talent for writing smart-mouthed toughies with a vulnerable streak they conceal from almost everyone – and for making them likeable even when they’re not at their best. That’s Judah – he’s snarky and self-absorbed, full of self-loathing, cynicism and despair, all of it a complete contrast to the smart, driven and good-humoured man he used to be. It’s understandable of course – he’s lost everything he ever wanted and is struggling both to accept it and to work out where he goes from here – but he’s in a bad downward spiral and won’t accept help or let anyone in. Morgan gets it. He’s hit rock bottom, too, and knows how hard it is to come back from that – let alone to do what Judah has done, and, at the lowest point of his life, have to return to a place where he was never happy or truly accepted. But Morgan is determined to do everything he can to help and support Judah – even if it means watching him leave at the end of it.

This is (I think) the second time Jay Hogan has written a lead character with a chronic illness (Digging Deep is the other) and both times, she has done an incredible job of painting a very realistic picture of the condition itself and how it affects the character who has it – Judah, in this case. She doesn’t shy away of showing just how debilitating it can be, how it limits him and how long a road he has ahead of him in learning to live with it. Her depiction of the life of a professional dancer and the world Judah lived in is excellent, and the difficult Madden family dynamics are expertly handled. Judah never really knew how far his parents favoured him over Leroy (and probably didn’t care to question it when he was younger and intent on getting out) and as a result, is subject to a lot of resentment and callous treatment from his brother. They have a lot to unpack between them; Leroy seems like a total dick for a lot of the story, but I was pleased when he and Judah finally cleared the air and took baby steps towards repairing their fractured relationship. Morgan’s relationship with his late wife is handled well, too; although he’s ready to move on, they clearly adored each other and she was an important part of his life, and I appreciated that acknowledgement. There’s also a small but well-drawn secondary cast and some interesting relationships being set up to play out through the rest of the series.

Once again, Gary Furlong delivers a performance that is both technically impressive and beautifully acted, providing distinct character voices for everyone in the cast and bringing authenticity and depth to the emotional content of the story. His portrayal of Judah captures every facet of this complex character – his sense of humour, his sassiness, his devastation, bitterness and despair – and his interpretation of the down-to-earth but bowled-over Morgan is a perfect contrast, a bit gruff and a lot warm and affectionate. I often talk about accents in my reviews, and I’ve said before that Mr. Furlong is one of a handful of narrators I can rely on not to mangle them – for someone who isn’t a New Zealander, he does a really good job of staying ‘in accent’ throughout the book (he performs the narrative in a Kiwi accent as well as the dialogue), and to my English ears, it sounds fine. I figure if the author’s happy, then it’s good enough for me!

So I’m chalking up another win-win for this very talented author/narrator team. Off Balance is a poignant and powerfully emotional story about overcoming loss and adversity and finding new love and new beginnings. With family drama and a hint of suspense, it’s a terrific start to the series and introduces many of the characters we’ll meet in future stories. Books two and three – On Board and In Step – are already available, and I’ll be diving in as soon as I can.

Caz

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